Long time

It’s been a while since I’ve been here for some reason or other; the reason or other doesn’t matter much other than it’s taken me a bit of time to get back here.

And I’m not going to explain it now – unless I already have – which I haven’t.

But our world has changed a little since then…the LHC still hasn’t created a black hole in Switzerland, or France, yet it hasn’t demonstrated anything other than a group of physicists in Italy who say the LHC is spewing neutrinos which do what neutrinos can’t do – that being neutrinos travel faster than light. The accepted model is that nothing travels faster than light and neutrinos measured from supernovae have exhibited the energy pattern which supports the “universal speed limit”. And I could whitter on about this if I had a doctorate in theoretical physics, but I don’t.

My best friend does and we don’t talk about it much, because frankly, he knows better than to listen to the warp drive postulations of the layperson – or at least I hope he does!

But never mind all that…the world has become envigorated, if not engorged with newspeak since I last was here – in particular: NewManagementese:

Going Forward:

“Being an indemnity in general against any failure, oversight, or incapacity, or any failure, omission, lassitude, indifference, general indisposition to, and or towards rank and file, colleague or asset at large (i) , from this point forward; any action and or, responsibility regarding the above, by and  behalf of the board, or senior, or general management will be redistributed to said asset at large. (See (i))

Asset:

See (i)

Colleague:

See “Asset”

Liability:

See “Going Forward” & “Asset”

Austerity:

“Laying off anyone of real worth: reinforced with the active encouragement of those who are left, to fight to the death, backstab each other (on their old wage) and prove why they are the equal to those who have been laid off !

Corporate Liability:

“The path of least resistance.”

The Path Of Least Resistance:

“Any person retained upon the basis of austerity”

Corporate Manslaughter:

“Any one of the above (assuming nobody clever enough is left!”)

Plausible Deniability:

“All of the above!”

gentlemen, start your engines

Well they don’t actually say that over here, but the Formula 1 season is almost on us.

Now that may mean a lot to my friends across the pond, but over here in the Old Continent, it’s a pretty big deal; for sure, you’ve got NASCAR which is quite entertaining until you realise that most races are the same…maybe they should try going the other way round the track once in a while! That being said, most races do actually produce a different winner on any given Sunday.

Then there’s the Indy Racing League which is like NASCAR masquerading as F1 cars. Don’t get me started on the IRL because it killed CART/Champ Cars and I find it hard to forgive that. And CART/Champ Cars was where you went if you were’nt good enough to get into F1 or where you went when F1 had finished with you – Nigel Mansell, Mario Andretti and Emerson Fittipaldi being notable exceptions. The younger Andretti (Michael) and Fittipaldi (Christian) went to F1 but soon got spat back out: Fittipaldi probably being the only driver in F1 ever to cross the finish line airborne and upside down! And the greatest enigma in Champ Cars, Paul Tracy tested in F1 and by all accounts was very, very impressive, but he elected to stay in Indy Cars as it was still called back in 1992. And in all honesty, Tracy would never have made it in F1 He was too much the maverick. He wouldn’t have fitted into what was becoming a more corporate driven sport. And even though he was arguably the most gifted race-car driver ever to come out of North America, he would have soon established himself as a pariah; after all, he created more than enough trouble for himself in Indy/CART/Champ Cars. And neither is this to say that North America hasn’t produced drivers of note: the Villeneuves spring to mind instantly - neither Gilles nor Jacques (son of Gilles) being readily recognisable as “toe the line” individuals. And it may also be arguable to say that they weren’t necessarily shit-hot! If anything, this father and son combination tended more towards the mercurial. If anything they were the stars which burned half as long but twice as bright.

Word has it that Tracy was better.

Pity. 

For everyone who’s ever donned a set of Nomex overalls and a crash helmet (funny they still call it that in this health and safety, politically correct age, but true enough, a crash helmet is what it is – why else would you wear one?), myself included, F1 has always been a distant and largely intangible goal. I had a pretty canny ability to drive rally cars and when working through university to pay my way tuition-wise, guess where the majority of the money went? You got it: I spent it on racing!

And where am I now? Certainly not in the high-octane, high-flying and more importantly, high-paying lifestyle of F1. Having said that, I touched on it briefly by marriage.

And I’m happy to sit and watch it on Sundays because it entertains me.

And if that’s not sport, I don’t know what is.